I will write, to lose a part of me.

Those parts that are happy and sad.

I will write, to let them go.

A way to detach myself from all.

I will write, to lose what I got.

All temporary, to permanent.

Stay, was all I could say.

The curve on your face that lures me
they need not to speak loud and demand me to come closer.
I want to get closer, and stay.

The warmth of your breath sipping into my ear, then to all the places
I need not to say anything else, because all I want is to listen.
I feel warm, and I want to stay this way.

I got lost between the spaces of your hand
I need not to worry for I found a better place when mine met yours and intertwined.
each finger, if could talk, would plead to stay.

You pulled me close to you, the same time I leaned in
We need not to force how our arms would hold us together.
it felt like I was meant to be intact to the whole of you, and you to me.

Stay, was all I could say.
You may find yourself sinking through your doubts and fears.
You are meant to fail and lose.
You are meant to hurt.
Hurt so much, that every night would always be your release through your salty tears.
Those tears that felt like knives piercing through every part of you that sores.
They are meant to be there, and you are meant to feel them.

But believe me that I am here.
I may not have prevented them from coming, but I am here.
You don't need to sink deeper, I will carry you out.
I will lift you from all your loss and let you win me.
And I will make sure to never let a tear scar you.
All there is, are those that melts the callousness from the pain you've gone through.
Enough of them.
I am here, only for you.
I remember how I used to follow matching and aligned tiles, as if it leads somewhere pretty.
Like wonderland, or Oz, probably.
I cross the street trying to go behind my father a little, pretending I was in Abbey Road for an album cover, only that I was holding my father's hand- John and Julian Lennon; a tribute for father-and-son/daughter album.
I like to think I'm always headed somewhere amazing. How the lines I follow leads to where I really should be.
They were made for me. The only person who could see that they were signs.

Then I found out about zig-zag's and loops. They scared me.
I avoided them, thinking of it as traps and nothing but trouble.
They were all curvy and in a way they look nice and smooth, but I may be just deceived by my ignorance.
But they kept me curious. And it lingered until I finally had the courage to dive in on one.
They were a lot like slides on parks painted with colors that draws your attention fully into them.
The ride was both scary and fun, until I fell out of it without caution.
Then I hit back to reality and all I can think of is how much it had caused me hurt.
But somehow I found myself going back, for that temporary fun before the end of falling down.
Again. And again.
I tried to hold on in the middle of the ride, as if staying in that moment and not hurting myself is possible.
Clinging on to it long enough, I knew I had to let go. I had to face the fallout.
Then it came to me, that maybe, just maybe, if I ready myself and straighten up my legs, it may not be as bad as the first falls. Maybe if I stood up along with the force of the fall, I wouldn't stumble.
And so I did.
Much to my surprise, I landed just fine.
I didn't fall, but landed. 'landed' was the right term.

I never thought these lines could be so relevant in life.
Every imagination or belief I had before as a child can still be significant in so many ways.
Every childhood experience and breakthroughs, as applicable as any other advice the elders give.
That every single little thing matters, we just have to look into them deeper.
.. that, or I'm just a big ball of randomness.
That is all.
For four years in college, graduating was something I badly looked forward to. Also given the fact that our course, Mass Communication, in St. Scholastica's College, never had that sense of "Mascom-portable" the way other people see it, passing is already something to be proud of.
Being sure whether we were going to graduate on time was a big suspense, that we were only sure of it a month or less before the graduation day. When it was already 100%, everyday felt like I was floating over everything. Not a bad thing kept me from feeling thankful and saying "well what do you know? I rocked my college life!" loud and proud, in my head. Everything was worth it and well paid off.
The graduation day would of course make a big mark on my life, but I wanted it to feel even better. All I had in mind was that the graduation day is a big closing to all the challenges and even troubles we've gone through.
Nevertheless, the graduation day itself just passed by and was a little less remarkable the way I thought it would be. But it was okay.
Because while I was sitting there, listening to the guest speaker and looking at our professors, my little ignorant self got slapped by the thought of "Congratulations! You're now one of the million jobless fresh grads and you know what that means? Big competition!".
That night, I already browsed for companies I wanted to apply to. The next day, I edited my resume and sent it to them.
The next days, I looked for other companies even those I'm not familiar with, and emailed them. The next week, I was like a mad lion devouring over all the companies that I think I can apply to and didn't mind if they were far. I was panicking and getting overly paranoid every passing day that I don't get phone calls or email invitation for interviews.
What happened next was, I got addicted with attending interviews. One interview in a day was just not enough, and I would always feel bad every after interview. I didn't think of resting for a month or two. Having no interview in a day was enough rest for me.
But of course I finally found a job. At first it was all okay, until it had to test my faith and values. I believe God gave it to me to show me that there will be a lot more challenges in life and that includes keeping my faith stronger and holding on to my values whatever may happen or come. So I had to let it go and just take it as a lesson and as something to make me stronger. No regrets.
What a start, yes? Never imagined leaving a job in such a short time. And people were all like, "you resigned already? what? why?" and a few may also be laughing. Of course they don't know the whole thing and I really don't care how people would react. All I know is that I did the right thing because I asked for guidance and I am happy with what I chose.
Right now on my second job which was given to me exactly a week after I resigned from my first, I'm not gonna lie that I am still confused. No, more like, still searching.
I am happy with my current job since I always get to learn new things every single day, and I'd like to give emphasis on that. I get to meet new people and know their differences with their perspectives and attitude. I get to test my patience, understanding and humility. And of course, this job gives me the chance to help those I've longed to help ever since, in the least way I can do as of now. Everyday on the field may be too risky for someone so ignorant with the streets like myself, but at least I get to experience it. Besides, I have my co-worker/friends with me and I know someone's watching over me.

To be downright honest, I am still lost, still finding my way, and still searching.
Like what I read in the book North of Beautiful, "getting lost is just another way of saying 'going exploring'." (which by the way, I believe I've decided to read on such a right time. I highly recommend the book.)
When I look through my goals and motivations, I just can't say which I would want to accomplish first or focus on, because there's just a lot. And right now, I am still 'going exploring'.
I am not ashamed to feel this way, besides, I'm still young and I still have a lot to go through. A lot may have found their dream jobs or are very much contented with what they have or on where they already are on such a young age, and I'm glad for them. But as for me, I believe I am fated to feel this way and be in this situation, to have the chance to do more and the things I wanted to do, little by little. I believe I am not wasting any time. Everyday is a lesson, and I always make sure I learn from them.

So as for marching, it goes on. It has to go on.

Apparently not everything has a map to guide you, nor a compass to point where you should head for. All there is though is your choice and your faith.

In life, you either stay where you are or give yourself the opportunity to show what you can do, to let yourself commit mistakes and to learn from them and to avoid them.
Life doesn't guarantee us any safe destination to be in, but life takes us to places we can travel to, stay on for quite awhile, and to leave when things get pretty rocky.
We can, and eventually, will get lost on most days. We may also find ourselves following a path we once thought was right, or we may also be going with the flow without thinking if it's really meant for us or not.
Sometimes, we insist too much that what we know is right, and what we want is what we need. We make ourselves believe that what we choose in life is everything we are meant to live for.
I believe that we are not expected to be fearless, nevertheless, we are expected to be brave enough to face what lies ahead of us and to fight for what we stand for.But being 'lost' is always just our choice.  We can always walk forward to a better, if not the right path.

On most days, I swear I could feel your skinny arm pressed beside my dry skin.
But you keep me warm despite the lack of intimacy due to a limit in time.
The sarcasm your wide smile paints can get people mad, but I'm pretty sure I'm mad for it.

On most days, I don't think of you. But you're always at the back of my mind.
I may forget the things I think about each day, but I will never forget the ones that are just there ever since.

On most days, I can watch the years we've shared over and over again.
But it never gets old, like the ones that can both make you laugh and cry,
and the ones you already know the endings, yet you still watch them and feel like it's the first time.
I can write a book about those moments, and I'd write every copy of them and not get tired.

On most days, I wish those were the numbered days I get to be with you.
days where I couldn't keep myself from listening to your unappealing laugh.
between the spontaneous increasing of your voice and the beat it creates at every end,
I could just slide myself in them and rest my weary head.

On most days, you're here.
Underneath the darkness when my eyes shut
behind every melody of a favorite song
and inside every curve my lips make.
Because on most days, I am still in love. And on all days, I am in love.